This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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