my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
