I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize
