you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
