is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
