Well douche your snatch and let's go!
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
