I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
