the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he was CRYING into my vagina
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
