Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
