He is such a slut. More and more my type.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
