I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
