I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
