im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Less talking, more tequila
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
