Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
