wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
