Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
