My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
