I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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