at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
