I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
