whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
