You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
