please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So much Jack, so little girl.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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