i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
