Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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