Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
