two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
