what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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