You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
