Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Randomize
