I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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