She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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