Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize