Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
