i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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