Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
