I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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