Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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