So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Please don't give away my fajitas
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
