His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Can I color on your dick again?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
