Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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