I just pynch a tree in the face
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
