The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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