Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize