Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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