Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
