There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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