just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
