I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
