I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
