The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
