for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
