Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
