my sisters under your porch take her home
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
