WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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