can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
