It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
