i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
They have beer where we have blood.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
