Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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