Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
