FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize