just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
