I cockslap morals
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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