bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
