I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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