I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
