'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
No subtext here. People are naked.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
