he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize