i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
