I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
