tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
