i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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