I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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